You mean I could have had a puppy?

The older I get the more quirks I find out about the body I was born with.   I share some of my issues, such as Ehlers-Danlos with the rest of my family, some however are uniquely my own.

When I was 14 I had a tobogganing accident that required an ambulance, a spinal x-ray, and a few days hospital stay.  When they did the x-ray they discovered a fresh crack in a vertebrae (thus the hospital stay), a few healed cracks, and something called spinal bifida occulta affecting my fifth lumbar vertebrae.  This put a halt to my further tobogganing adventures.

At the time the spina bifida occulta was a curiosity.  In the grand scheme of things the fact that I kept dislocating knees, spraining ankles, etcetera was more important.  The spina bifida occulta did cause some interesting issues when I had to have spinal anesthetic a few years ago.  Apparently that is the preferred spot, after the anesthesiologist tried three times he complained he couldn’t get it in.  When I asked where he was trying and explained the problem he got a little pissy.  How the hell was I supposed to know where they put it?  I now know to warn them.  Anyways, it never seemed like a big deal.

What does this have to do with puppies?  I am getting there.

I also have another little spinal defect, something called a “sacral dimple”   Mine is located in the “natal cleft” also known as the top of the crack of your ass.  Some people with sacral dimples have a problem with occasional abscesses, I am one of them.  I have dealt with them every year or two for as long as I can remember.  I was never too concerned about them, just allowed them to run their course and took lots of hot baths.  In the last three months however, I have had two of them.   So I figured it was time to get it checked.   The conversation with the doctor went something like this.

Doc: ” You have a pilonidal cyst in your sacral dimple, by the way, what is the surgical scar from”

Me: ” What surgical scar?  I haven’t had surgery there that I can remember.”

Doc: “Hmmm, interesting.  It looks like a surgical scar.  Anyways, if the cysts keep occuring we are going to have to operate on it.”

Me: “Í’ll ask my mother about the scar, as for surgery I would rather not.  It sounds painful and with all my drug intolerance’s I would rather avoid it.”

So, I went home and sent my mother a text message.  She is currently in Vancouver with my grandmother.

Me: “The doctor says I have a surgical scar on my tailbone.  Weird huh?”

Mom: “That is weird.  Your grandmother is driving me crazy.”

So later I talked to her on the phone and asked her if she remembered anything.  She vaguely remembered something about a cyst or tumour being removed when I was a baby.  Keep in mind that my mother was only 17 at the time, dealing with my 18 month old brother, and a newborn me, in a time when young unwed mothers were frowned on.

So then we get to my doctor’s appointment today.

Me: “So I asked my mother about the scar.  She said they removed a cyst or a tumour from there when I was a baby.”

Doc: “Really? Did you have it when you were born?”

Me: “She can’t remember.  Just that I was very young.”

Doc: “Were you the first child?”

Me: “Nope, second, and she was only 17 when she had me.”

Doc: “I was a second child too.  There are hardly any pictures of me, the first one is the one they remember.  Give me a minute.”

He disappeared for a few minutes.  I was beginning to wonder if he forgot about me and was curled up in a corner reliving childhood trauma.

Doc: “So, I checked your medical records, you had a tail.”

Me: “I what?”

Doc: “You had a tail.  It was just tissue, no bone or anything.  They are rare, and they usually remove them for testing.”

Me: “So they cut off my tail?  I didn’t even get any say?  Why didn’t my mother know?”

Doc: “I dunno, maybe they didn’t explain it clearly.”

Me: “Does this have anything to do with the spina bifida occulta?”

Doc: “Possibley, hard to say.  The tail, spina bifida and sacral dimple are all spinal defects.”

Me: “My body hates me.”

Doc: “No it doesn’t.  You just are one of my more interesting patients.”

So, there you have it.  I had a tail and they cut it off shortly after I was born.  So then of course I had to call my mother and tell her.

Me: “So remember that cyst or tumour they removed?  It was a tail, a vestigial tail.”

Mom: “Really? Wow, I wonder why they never told me?  Hold it, you mean I could have had a puppy?”

Me: “…….”

Mom: “Well that explains why you crawled until you were almost two.”

Me: “I think that had more to do with the hip defect from the Ehlers-Danlos”

Mom: “Well, maybe.  Still that is pretty cool.”

So, I had a tail, my mother wanted a puppy, and both of us got screwed out of it by the medical establishment.  I would show you a picture, but it’s my ass.







7 thoughts on “You mean I could have had a puppy?”

  1. I think if they just would have left your tail, you wouldn’t be having this problem with the cysts.
    Just an uninformed opinion.

    And your mom is right. It’s kinda kuhl. 🙂

    1. Hard to say. The sacral dimple is a separate defect below where the tail was. I kind of wish they had left it and let me decide.

    1. Our’s is a teaching practice. Dr. Hamilton is the new senior doctor in the practice, there are two others. He always seems delighted to see me for some reason.

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